Retrospection

Recently, i heard an interesting theory on life. It goes something like this life is like a swing, there will definitely be ups and downs, however the important thing is about keep moving and trying... If for a second, for fear of going down, we stopped moving, then what awaits us is only an eternity of boredom. What is the point of living, when u are not really living.... After entering University, i always thought of life is like a struggle, constantly forcing one to move on, keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone, changing and trying on new things. But i dont know when or how, i seem to have somehow drift back to my comfort zone. Being in geog soc, and gifted with my friends and loved by my family, somehow i lost the determination to keep moving and fallen into my comfort zone that used to be so important in my life. For example, i no longer find the urgency to keep making new friends or scoring higher results. Granted i believed i am still rather frdly towards other ppl, however, somehow i dont feel the urge or the need to really make new friends. I was doing well, wasnt I?

However, Edinburgh has really been a new challenge for me. In a way, it can be considered as the worst possible university that i could have chosen. For the first time in my life, i am in a city where i dont know anyone at all... I am in a city where I cant really fit in. And i could be easily forgotten and left alone within this city. I remember in the first two days, I couldnt understand anything that my flatmates were talking about and everyday seems to pass on without any meaning. I was for a while worried or even scared, that this once in a lifetime chance could be gone, and I wouldnt have done anything at all... Stagnation worried me more than anything. Yet it was this fear that re-awaken something that i seem to have forgotten, the urgency and the desire to push on, to break out of my comfort zone once more and to try new things in new ways. Perhaps it would be as good as i dream of, perhaps it would nt be worth it in the end, perhaps i just wasted my chance, but i think its the effort that justify my life. I dont just want a life of glory and success, but a life where i can keep striking for. If for nothing, i think this SEP is worth it, for it reminds me of something i lost without knowing, to be alive.