Change

Maybe its just me, but everyday i feel a need to change, to improve, to make a difference. It seems that my very legitimacy in life itself lies in my ability to effect a change and progress is the only key to survivability. It almost seems as if there is an eventuality in my life and everything i am doing is towards it. Some may called it corporate success or self actualization. What then is the eventuality in my life, what am i working towards? I know i have none... at least not consciously aware. But everyday i force myself to be awake, i ask myself to do work. It is almost as if my whole body, mind and very fabric of soul is gear towards change. If i dont, maybe that others would ? maybe i am follow the grand life design set forth by the society, by the culture, by everyone but me. Maybe there is a grand secret to everyone else but me. Someone once said "to change for others it to lie to yourself", but does the truth really worth it?

More than words

When i was very young , i always thought i will have a very nice and fancy 21 birthday . dreaming that it will be a grand affair ppl will come from all walks of life just to wish me a happy birthday ... when i gt to sec , i started to be a loner , believing that the world is in a jealous conspiracy to destroy me ( yes i even have a secret plan to hide myself in easter island...) so grand birthday party is off my mind . IN army i thought man shld follow the way of a man . and according to my gd frd "shane" that equals to getting drunk . A man can only be considered as a man if he get drunk ( sound dumb but it actually make sense to me then .... ) , thru that i came up with "the way of the man" path (E.G. of a rule is like a man only eat when he must . Needless to say , after like a week of spartan life , i gave up ( obviously food is of paramount over anything like manhood ) so today ( exactly 2 day from my last post or the last 30 min of my first day of 21 ) , i wan to say of what realli happened on my 21st
It was nthing fancy ( sorry to say that i did not arrive on a pumpkin carriage , ) , in fact much of my bd was spend with a very small grp of ppl ,a simple lunch and a small gathering with my ex classmate . But that is something abt this ordinary setting that make it special ... the feeling that to know that ppl come specially for me and that the day belongs to me is perhaps only comprehensible to the birthday boy alone . OF course , the day is imperfect as there were some of my ex classmate who cannot make it . To say the truth , i was somewhat disappointed . i dun need fancy gifts or fantastic birthday wishes ,is a simple dinner too much to ask for ?
However i find myself asking " Havent i done the same thing be4 ? in my whole life , havent i wanted to wish someone happy birthday but failed to do so ? Given a choice ,everyone wants to do the right thing , but sometime what i think ought to be done is different from others ? And i know for certain they truly wish all the best for me ... that i believed should be enough and is happy for it .

Btw i wan to thx some ppl from ard
First daryl and jason for planning the dinner
all those who came on my birthday , esp wan yee who despite being the only gal ( for like 3 consecutive gathering ) i thx u all
oh ya candice thx for ur muffin ( although most likely u will never see the blog entry .....)
For all those who wishes me happy birthday, from my heart i thx u ....
For all those who wishes me well from the heart, i like u
For all those who gave me presents , I LOVE U HAHAHAHA

the last countdown

It is perhaps with a tint of sadness that i wrote this post.... this is the day that i had been waiting for or at least preparing for . My last day as a 20 years old little boy ( not that i will change in a werewolf or a man the next day .) But it is my own countdown. A countdown that belong to me alone ( like duh ) . For many , they are already deep in slp , for some other maybe they are enjoying their life for some they could be facing their greatest challenge in life , but for me i will take the next 30 min peacefully and thinking about what i have done for the last 21 years . Clearly i done a lot of stupid things ( even more than most ppl even know :) ) , i also done a lot of things that i am proud of ( though my frds also said i am proud of the wrong things ) . But to me the most impt part of my life are from meeting different ppl and things in life , these are experiences that enrich my life and knowledge that mould and change my perspective and crafting the febrin that i am today . So i thank you all for being a part of my life and letting me be a part of urs . those memories that u gave me will always leave a mark on me .... ( hope not a scar though )
Here is a little story abt my name febrin ... AS u all may had heard be4 , my parents wanted to give a special and unique english name to me so that my name can be remembered easily . They went great length and came with many names but all sounds too common and too unlike "me" ( i have no idea what is "me' ) ... then there was this relative from msia who came to see me , upon seeing the fern leaf ( milk brand ) , she came out with a this idea of fill up to the brim of the milk powder with the fern leaf milk powder ..... so how it became Febrin ( fern brim ) ( pardon me for the incomplete story i was like so young .... ) But when i was in primary sch , i always thought i will change it when i hit 21 , this name is so weird and i hated westerners ( i was all hail communism then hahaha ) . SO i refused to use the name . It was till a malay teacher who cannot pronounce my chao jing chanced upon "febrin" , be4 it became super popular . Suddenly i came from the periphery of the class to the main topic of the class ... ppl goes like ( hey u know that guy is called febrin , i think he is french ( it is still primary sch ) ) At first i hated it when ppl called me Febrin but time passes , when Febrin may nt be a perfect name , but it allowed me to know some realli nice ppl and definitely a gd conversation starter ( hi i am febrin , u can call me feb fer fur furry farby febee hahaha ) . Then i discovered that febrin is nt realli that bad , whats the point of a name anyway . so as long as everyone could be rem me then i am happy :)
So I cannot promise that i will not change , neither can i say this febrin is the best that i can be .... BUT i promised that Febrin will always be Febrin , i hope that the 80 year old Febrin can say that i have lived one hack of a life :)

best wishes

I was at tampines MRT station when i start thinking about the things that happened today ..... To be frank , i almost wanted to skip daryl birthday party today . Afterall it is at Tenah Merah and i had an sprained ankle ( from running less than 200 m , which is kinda pathetic realli ) , but eventually i decided to go . it is after all its his 21st birthday . So after 1hr of met ride , 8 dollars of cab fare and 10 min of walking , i finally reached the place ... But the nightmare was only just beginning , i saw the whole group of ppl surrounding daryl . And i knew none of them ... OMG is it the start of hrs of awkwardness which me outcasted at the corner . I mean if i am like really tall and handsome then acting loner at the corner could be cool , but a fat dude with green hair trying to act punk is just ..... a little less cool . So i really have to thx to 2 people who tried to make me feel less awkward , lysia and "hanna" i think its spell like this . They help me cut short what could be endless of torment and torture and awkwardness . thx goodness !! But what realli impressed me at the party was something else . It was how well received he was . Everyone there truly wishes the best for him . They may come from different walk of life , they may even have not seen him for ages but willing to come specially for him on his 21st birthday . Well i personally feel that if one should be contented if he or she has as much blessing as him .
To be frank i always feel a bit of envious of his success . He does after all been rather successful in his life I.E. he has good grades, strong friendships , successful HR skills , leadership qualities . Of course my better sense always prevailed (ahem) so i tend to congrat him as a friend than rather than be jealous ( hhahaha partly true) . But tonight i changed my perception of him .Yes, he does has a good life, but he also deserved it . Not only he is devoted in his faith , hardworking in his task and most of all he does not claim credits for his success . He could have claimed credit for all that he has ( i know i will show it off ) but rather In his speech ( a fully-typed out one ) he accredit it all to God . Now I may not be a believer , but i can see that he is truly a believer , and one that will keep on believing ... So at the end of my journey home , i truly feel that he not only have a wonderful life but also a deserving life .
Since i finally blog after such a long break . I shall be a bit more nagging and share a bit more abt my life . Basically it is kinda boring . Oh ya i did something stupid i managed to sprained my leg after 200 m run and it still hurts after like 1 week and bandages haha the day after my sprained ankle i managed to lock myself out of my room with all my handphones and wallet in it . To top it off , i have to meet han wei at Jurong East . SO being the genius that i am i stole money from the toilet ( yes i am surprise that there is money at the toilet ) and i cab to JE , thinking that i will reach be4 han wei and camp at the 98 bus stop . OF course it failed ... After 2 98 came with no sight of han wei . i knew i have to do something . So dragging my injured leg i comb the whole JE for sights of him ...... after a long ( and painful ) walk , i saw him stand relaxing at the top of JE complex . Omg like nothing happened .... But well . Then more walking from SRC to ARTs library ... then from ARTS library to earth lab . Why must all the walking be on the same day ....
HAHA this entry is getting kinda long , so with this thx for reading , all the best :)

empty vessel makes the most noise

Empty vessel makes the most noise , and i am proud to be one .... Throughout my whole life , i always pride myself on my ability to crap out of any subject , topic , class anytime and anywhere . Most of what i said , though usually means nothing , still managed to sound very impressive . At least till ppl start thinking more abt what i said . WELL , some may find their worth in politics , finance , engineering or even ability to eat anything , i dare to say i am damn proud of being able to talk "rubbish">.< . Well at least there was till i enrolled in japanese lesson . For the very first time , i understand the plight of being forced into utter silence and distached from any conversation in class . One may find it interesting that someone who has been watching anime since age of 6 till 21 cant even survive the rudiment of japanese lesson , or even separate left and right in japanese . Yes , i have fallen from talking gibberish to even lower ( if that is even possible ) . Well i endure the life of yet an below average joe life in jap lesson , other basked in glory . Noteworthily some students are so capable that they find the textbook and note as redundant . They adsorbed everything as soon as it came out of the teachers' mouth . If i am walking down the road of japanese mastery , they just zoom past me with a jet plane . In this world of sophisticated and advanced technology , i take comfort in knowing something call online translation . But then again i am not known for traveling oversea or making million dollar deal with toyota hahaha .

On the other hand , i just discovered my timetable is completely packed till the brink . Job end as at 6TH , 9th i am going for jap lesson , immediately after that i am going for a camp that ends at 24th ( 23th btw is xingle comeback day ) . But of course i gt a plan to evade her hahaha . I have enrolled on another camp on 25th so cya xingle ... Then of course the most dreaded even of it all , my cousins arriving in singapore from aussie ...... OMG i havent seen them since sec 2 ( and i still owe 1 of them dinner ... )

count your blessing

WOW i just been to the best birthday party i ever been to !!!! It was simply beyond any party i ever went . All joy and happiness almost seem tangible be4 me . All the great company i had , all the delicious foods , touching moment , that was simply beyond words . I meant i feel totally natural in the company ,  the host sister kidnapped my phone , i almost kena another allergy from drinking alcohol , the host dad almost forced me to go up stage to sing .... I meant there is absolutely  no place i want to go except for absolutely anywhere , hahahaha .... Ok complaints aside , on a more objective note  , it was a pretty touching party . People came from different walk of life , of different personality , of different  beliefs came together to wish a happy birthday . Each of us may not know each other and "some"  awkwardness is displayed at the table , but each of us genuinely celebrate the day . Of course , like everything else things could be better , and naturally nothing is perfect ( ahem  ) , but i sincerely hope all the best , and  pls return my hp to me ><
on a side note , after the heavy expenditure on birthday gifts hitherto , i supposed i have to start my own birthday party so i can get b some presents b . hahaha

will i survive ?

Somewhere along the way , i got along with peace and continuity of my life . So much so that i have failed to notice the impeding doom . The Qualifying English Test (QET) . Apparently , NUS organize a QET for upcoming batch of undergraduate ( excluding those exempted ) to test the english proficiency . The test consists of three parts , mainly the editing , comprehension and composition . And those who did not make it will have be forced into taking a special class to reinforce their english foundation . So why am i so worried ? First of all , i had to admit my incompetence in English don t even deserve the C5 in my GP . Furthermore , 2 years stint in NS certainly enrich my vocabulary of vulgarity , but i doubt NUS is testing me on that . To add to all , ,  i had totally no idea that there is a pre-entry test on my english ( not that knowing it early will help much ><   ) SO that brings us to the next question , Why didnt anyone tell me about this beforehand ? Well i guess i am about the only one i know that is enrolling into NUS but still sucks in his english . MY sis got an A2 for GP , so are my others friend that i keep contact with are doing pretty well in their english . So alone and taunted by this insurmountable task , where am i heading into ?